I haven't written in a while. I've thought about it a lot, I just haven't had much new to say.
This blog has been a place for me to ramble about all the overwhelming feelings and challenges I've faced over the years.
Six years ago, it started as a healthy food blog, which was actually a manifestation of my obsession with food, as I had been restricting the amount I needed to be nourished.
This blog then evolved into a place where I could share my struggle with disordered eating, and then it chronicled my journey back to happiness.
Over the past few months I have felt pretty distanced from my old life of restrictive eating and over-exercising. Maybe that's why I was hesitant to write again.
Moving to a new city, starting a new job, getting a dog, and meeting new friends has been a true reset for me. It has allowed my to settle into my new self in a fresh new world.
I must say that it has made it much easier for me to let go of the old habits and damaging thoughts that accompanied them.
I was looking through my own Facebook photos today and I realized that you really can't tell at all when I got to my rock bottom or when I started feeling better. Other than looking smaller in photos, I look pretty much as happy and content as I do now.
Just another reminder that you don't have to look a certain way to have a disordered outlook about food, exercise, or body image.
I haven't freaked out about calories in a long time. I haven't felt guilty about not working out in a while. I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and think - I look good (I have good and bad days like everyone of course). But two years ago, sitting with my therapist, I NEVER thought that day would come.
I guess the purpose of this post is to say that I am still alive and I am doing great.
AND I hope that anyone who feels guilty when they eat the "wrong" foods, and who pushes their body too hard too frequently, and who eats and exercises in order to look a certain way, believes that they can be completely happy and carefree again.
That you don't have to worry about what to order at a restaurant, that you don't have to count calories, that you don't have to workout when you are tired. That you don't have to hate yourself.
Life is so much more then that.
PS - Hoping to pop in more often to share some healthy living tips and of course to ramble about myself.