Sunday, January 25, 2015

Rough Week

I had a shitty week last week.  Shitty weeks bring on shitty thoughts that often result in me replaying events in my head, trying to analyze everything that went wrong.  Narrowing in on these shitty thoughts leaves no room for the happy thoughts about the good things that happened last week.  This post is an effort to get the shitty thoughts down in writing and off of my mind, and to replace them with the good stuff.

The Bad:  I messed up at work.  Like really messed up.  I accidentally inundated 20,000 people about seven outdated emails back to back.  It was an honest mistake that I have 100% learned from, but it also led to an even more humiliating event.  After explaining the mistake I had made to my boss and other executives, I cried.  At work.  And people saw.  I wish I were the type of person who could cover up my feelings, but I felt the heat welling inside of me like a slow simmering pot of water about to burst into a full blown boil.  I sobbed quietly at my desk attempting to hide my face from passerby.  I would give anything to be able to keep it together in moments like that, but the more I fight it, the more ridiculously ugly my cry becomes.  Looking back on the whole event, I don't know whether to cringe, laugh, or repeat the words "you unprofessional idiot" in my head.  Sigh.  We all make mistakes, we learn from them, and we must forgive ourselves and move on.

The Good: That same day I had a lunch date with my two best girlfriends, one of whom was visiting from Boston.  Thank God for this lunch.  It was snowing outside, but I didn't care, I slipped on my sneakers and ran through the streets of DC to Protein Bar like a schmuck.  A schmuck who just lit her office on fire, and decided to ditch the scene to discuss the drawbacks of dating really religious men, and how to ask what constitutes premarital "sex." Ugh, I told the guy not to get my running shoes in the picture.

The Bad:   General feelings of inadequacy.  I think this was probably fueled by the work screw up.  I began doubting myself in other areas this week.  I want so badly to do well at my job, to be well-liked, to be admired. The post-college transition was hard for me, I forgot who I was for awhile.  I find myself looking to others as models for who I want to be.  I feel really lost sometimes.

The Good:  French Toast Sticks.  Are we the only people who have set their alarm after a late night out drinking to make it to BK's breakfast? 

The Bad:  Money.  Travis and I are feeling pretty tight on cash with the wedding and honeymoon expenses on the horizon.  We aren't going to go into debt or anything, but when you are constantly writing $1,000 checks it starts to make you nervous.  Our families are helping with some of the costs, but that stresses me out even more.  I never want them to feel stretched because of us and I worry that they think the costs are excessive.  I mean, they are excessive, but we are trying.

The Good: My birthday is next week and that is the biggest ego-boosting day of the year.  Much needed, can't wait ;)

Have you ever made a mistake and dwelled on it? 
How do you bounce back?


  1. I'm so glad you were able to get the thoughts out! I find that helps me too and yes, forcing yourself to come up with good and write it down is very therapeutic. That work thing totally, totally sucks. And crying at your desk sucks even more. I have been in that place a couple of times and it's so true that the more you try to stop, the worse it gets. I'm glad you had friends - and such a good friend visiting too! - to cheer you up.
    My good friend Jeannie LIVES for McDonald's breakfast and sets her alarm for it after drinking. You are not alone!

    1. Hi Cait! Yes, it definitely helped to get this out. Reminding myself that I have such amazing friends is the cure for everything! I am so glad to know others love fast food breakfasts enough to wake up before 10am on a Sunday. McDonalds and BK should really consider serving breakfast all day on the weekends.

  2. that is so great that you were able to resolve your negative feelings instead of jumping quickly to conclusions! these skills surely will/have been helpful to have for ED recovery and anytime ED thoughts may pop up!

    1. I never thought of it that way! Good point. I bet that a year ago I would have had a mental breakdown over this. Thanks for the comment :)