Thursday, December 18, 2014

It's been so long!

I have been really busy!  Reading blogs, cooking fancy dinners, dancing...enjoying everything about the holiday season.  This is the first holiday in many years that I haven't had serious anxiety about the amount of food I will be eating and the amount of exercise I may miss out on.  It is the first time in a while I have been excited to leave the comfort of my routine to travel back to California and visit my family.  I had started to try to change my mindset before this time last year, but I was still ridden with guilt and shame when I indulged, and I still made sure to exercise every day. 

Last year, I was so tired of my restrictive habits.  I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I was so envious of people who could be "normal" around food and who could brush off any guilt if they missed a workout.  I decided I was going to get better.

This year, my goal is to discover my new identity (which no longer revolves around my restrictions), to truly accept myself, and to love and appreciate my body at whatever size.

Since I have been gone for a while, and before I jet set off to the West coast, here are some photos of what I've been up to. 

 Homemade tapas - Such a fun way to spice up a weeknight dinner

 Holiday party dancing!

Some healthy meals thrown in of course - this is a quinoa bowl with lots of veggies and a chopped up chicken burger

 Zoolights!  The only time I enjoy the zoo is during Zoolights with a Starbucks Peppermint Mocha in hand

One of the highlights was our Thanksgiving dinner accompanied by Episodes 1-12 of R. Kelly's trapped in the closet.  There is nothing like watching a brilliant piece of art alongside the friends you love.
I hope you are enjoying the holidays as much as I am.  I hope that you are finding ways to relax, letting yourself rest, and not worrying about the food.  Now is the time to focus on everything we are grateful for.

Happy holidays!



  1. The holiday season is a great time to stop and look back at how far you've come. I know I have definitely come a long way since last holiday season. I agree with you on that goal of finding your identity. While I am getting better about skipping a workout and also not restricting, I'm definitely really unhappy with the way I look right now, and need to work on acceptance of the current me - not regretting not looking like the old me.

    1. I can't believe how far we've come! I totally can relate on the body stuff. I do feel like I am making slow progress - but I have a long way to go on that front. My mind still sees me much smaller, so when I look in the mirror I feel shocked. I am actually starting this body image sounds dumb, but I figured I would give it a try :)

    2. Gah THIS!! I totally have this! I have an image in my mind of what I THINK I look like then when I look in the mirror I am u pleasantly surprised !! I am trying to not mirror check as that's quite detrimental to me, but still not sure how to reconcile the body in my mind vs the body in reality

    3. It is really tough! I am trusting that it will get easier. I think that the mind takes a while to "catch up." I also think that because my thinness became such a part of my identity, until I fill that void it will be hard. Hang in there, you are not alone!

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