― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
I believe I have always had some social anxiety. I analyze a lot of the things I say, I question whether I deserve what I have been given, I am easily intimidated by smart, successful people. I think this has to do with the fact that I am a highly sensitive person.
I am not one to hide my thoughts or feelings, I live a very open life and I don't have any big secrets anymore. While it is freeing, it also leaves me feeling very vulnerable quite often - it is scary.
When the anxiety begins to surface..."I shouldn't have said that", "they must think I am crazy", "I am obnoxious", "I should have done better", "I am not smart enough".... I shut it down.
I think of the people who love me. I think of the love I give others. I use the skills I learned to fight back against my disordered eating. I self-sooth. I change the conversation. I show myself the same compassion I show others.
Just know that whatever you say or do, and whatever mistakes you make or regrets you have. They are all part of the always-evolving journey toward figuring this life out.
Give yourself a break, mix a cocktail, and take breath.