Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Identity

I have been wanting to write about something that I think was the root of a lot of my issues with food and exercise.  I have been thinking a lot about who I am lately.


I think that when I graduated college, moved to a new city, and no longer had my grades and activities I cherished, I sort of lost myself.  I filled that void by becoming focused on perfecting my body.  It gave me a goal of losing weight, it gave me a new persona of "healthy and fit", it all gave me a new sense of self.


But I realize now that I am not how I look.  I can be healthy without that being the basis of my identity.  And I can be unhealthy if I want without any guilt.  The real me is not made to be that f***ing skinny either!  When I started really fixing my relationship with food and exercise, I realized I didn't know who I was without the calorie counting, meal planning, and compulsive exercising.  I felt empty again.  I am not a varsity cheerleader any more, I am not a student working to be on the Dean's list, and I am not the campus tour guide who tries to inspire others to come to her beloved school (go UCSB!). 

But I am doing some digging, trying to listen to my true desires and here is what I have come up with...

I care deeply about my friends, even though I am terrible at staying in touch.



I am pretty hilarious. 

I love fresh flowers and candles, and incense, and anything that sets a mood.


I can figure out complex problems on my own.

I tend to underestimate myself and sell myself short.

I love to cook and bake and I love to eat everything I make.


I feel strangely close to random strangers.

I am not perfect, and I am starting to realize that that's OK.

I like to eat food that is slightly charred on the outside...I know Kimberlyn, I am going to get cancer...

I am pretty needy, just overall...

I do not have a good fashion sense.  But I can copy my trendy friends and look pretty good.


I love really hot days, and the beach, and both of those together...

And I know how it feels to ache with love for someone. 



Anyone else have an identity crisis after college?







6 comments:

  1. wait wait wait, HUGE omission here: you can shake yo money maker/drop it low/twerk it out like nobody's (i mean nobody's) business! one of my all-time my favorite dance floor companions forever and always

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    1. OMG HOW DID I FORGET THAT?? I love dancing - like really slutty dancing. Thanks Steph, you know me well :)

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  2. teehee, just promise you will eat char in moderation. I believe I had somewhat of an identity crisis after graduating as well. Eduardo helped me see my real passion in caring for the environment and I switched career paths. It has lead to so many great changes in my life and I'm sure your new path will do the same for you Lindsay!

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    1. Aw I love that story! Yes, I am trying to figure out what my real passions are. I am making an effort to try new things like meditation and photography. Though I am afraid my new passion now may become wedding planning - but since that will be temporary, I need to avoid letting it take over :) Thanks for sharing, K - I think of you every time I eat burnt popcorn.

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  3. So many yeessss to this post!
    My story parallels yours in many ways

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    1. I am so glad you can relate! It seems like we are a lot alike :)

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