Monday, February 3, 2014

Why I Love Birthdays

So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  About who I am, why I am the way I am, what I want to change, and what I cannot change.  My birthday helped open my eyes to something...I love being loved.  I know we all do...but I felt extra extra special, as I do every year on my birthday.  I love being the center of everyone's affections, it makes me feel beautiful, unique, confident.  But it made me think, why can't I feel this beautiful, unique and confident every day?  It made me realize that I put too much emphasis on how I am perceived and loved by others.  What if I was able to give that love and affection to myself rather than relying on it from others just one day a year? 

But wait, before I get deep, a montage...in no particular order, of some of the best birthdays of my 20s.
 26
 28
 22
 23
 24

I have realized lately that I look for reassurance from outside of myself and if people don't tell me that I am beautiful, special, smart, I assume that they think I am not. 

I am not self-loathing by any means, I am not depressed, and I don't want to be anyone else.  I just think I could benefit from some self-love.  It sounds easy, but how do you actually "love" yourself?  Is it positive self talk, is it treating yourself to a massage, what does that look like?  Here is what I think it could look like for me...

Define my "shoulds" and my "needs" - what do I do because I think I "should" versus what I really want and need?  Once I figure that out, I want to focus on the wants and needs.

Accept my body as it is right now - fitness magazines are the worst, I am tired of listening to others tell me how I should look and what I should do to achieve that "goal."

Waste time doing the things I love more often, even if they are inefficient uses of my time - I love listening to music, painting my nails, baking, stretching, walking instead of running.  But I often assume I need to be doing something more productive with my time.

Get excited about the future, but don't try to plan every aspect of it - it is great to get excited about upcoming events.  But it is also ok to roll with the punches when plans stray.  Relax and slow down, things will happen as they should.

Trust myself and relinquish some control - stop with the self doubt and the fear that my body doesn't know what its doing.  Taking some rest days and going to happy hour will not derail my schedule or my life.  My body is smarter than I give it credit for.

Stop dwelling on regrets and succumbing to guilt - live in the moment and be OK with the mistakes I make.  Realize that what I feel like are my failures, are not really even failures anyway.

So maybe I can work toward finding love inside of myself.  Although I am sure I will still love the extra attention on my birthday :)


Do you feel like your self-worth is often defined by others or society?

How do you remind yourself that confidence can come from within?


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